Faded
by McGeeklover
Summary: Another CSI:Miami fanfic! My take on a week or so following Ryan's diagnosis of his eye. He doesn't listen to the doctor and continues to work until it could be too late. 'Ryan stretched before opening his eyes...his eye. Why was only one eye clear...he couldn't see out of his right eye...everything was all shadows. "Oh no..." he had waited to long. "No, this can't be happening."


**Faded**

Ryan knew he was supposed to stop working; his doctor recommended him to, but he just couldn't. He didn't want to go any longer being stuck in his home with nothing to do but relax. He already did a week of that after leaving the hospital a month go. And he did anything _but_ relax after the third day. TV wasn't really an option because he was supposed to rest his eye and it gave him headaches anyways. He had enough sleep and he didn't want to read. He was about to go crazy when Eric stopped by with beers, thankfully. They played cards and talked...they were mending their tense relationship. Now he had been back at work for three weeks now and his eye had gotten better...before getting worse. He had to squint to see things, it itched a lot and a new symptom popped up: migraines. Just what he needed. At first they weren't too bad; he would just take a couple pills along with some of his antibiotics Alexx prescribed him antibiotics and went to work like nothing was wrong. But after a couple days, the migraines started getting worse and his eye was getting blurrier.

"Ryan, you shouldn't be here," Alexx said softly as he came into autopsy. He had come to get more information on their latest body and when she saw his eye, she gasped. It was red around the rim and somewhat watery. "You need to go to the doctor."

"Alexx, I'm fine." But he really was far from it. He could barely think straight; even today at the crime scene, he nearly missed an important piece of evidence.

"You are not fine! You know you can't lie to me!"

She was right...mostly because he squeezed his eyes shut when she shouted, it reverberating in his pounding head. His knees went weak and before he knew it, he was being lead to a chair, Alexx stroking his head. "I'm sorry...didn't mean...yell." Her voice faded in and out.

"S'okay...m-maybe you're right...I need to go home and rest," he breathed sharply through his nose.

"No, what you need is the doctor. We can't be waiting for it to get worse."

"It seems to be fine after I sleep." Ryan was regaining composure and he could finally breathe normally again. "I'll be fine tomorrow...I just need to sleep."

Alexx pursed her lips sympathetically. She didn't like this decision, but stressing the boy out even more won't help. "Okay...but _I'm_ driving you home."

Ryan smiled weakly and looked up at her. "Fine with me...and thanks."

"Not a problem, baby boy. I just want you to get better."

The young CSI nodded and she helped him up and out the back door to her car.

"I'll be right back, okay? I'm going to tell Horatio I'm taking you home. You just close your eyes."

Ryan nodded and he was out before Alexx even disappeared back inside. When she went upstairs, she found Horatio talking with Eric in the DNA room.

"Horatio, can I speak to you for a moment in private," she said.

The red-head nodded and left the room. "What is it, Alexx?"

"It's Ryan. I'm bringing him home."

"His eye?"

"Unfortunately. He came down, his eye was red and watery; he needs to go back to the doctor, but he's playing it like it's nothing. Now he's getting intense migraines. I spoke to his ophthalmologist and she had recommended he take a break from work."

"He never told me this."

"I'm not surprised. He's seems to think he's okay."

Horatio put his hands on his hips. "Alright. I'll clock him out. Tell him to call me if things get more serious." Alexx nodded and he headed towards the front desk.

"They already are serious," the woman whispered before heading back to her car.

She brought Ryan home, made him soup, mothering him and then making sure he was comfortable. Normally, Ryan wouldn't like this, but today he had no energy to protest and he wasn't feeling well. So he just let it happen.

"Now, do not get up for anything," Alexx said sternly as she helped Ryan to the couch and brought the covers over him. "Unless it's to eat something or to shower or to go to the bathroom. No calling anyone except for me or the hospital, understand?"

"Yes _mom_," Ryan rolled his eyes, but smiled. He actually really appreciated it since his real mom was all the way in Ohio.

Alexx smirked and shook her head before brushing back his hair. "Get some rest, baby boy."

She waited until he fell asleep before she left, making sure his antibiotics pills and water were out next to his cell phone, the blinds were drawn and another bowl of soup was ready to be heated up when needed. She sighed after shutting the door to his condo. She prayed he would be okay and that his stubbornness wouldn't hurt him...that it wouldn't make him blind.

~+CSIM+~

The next morning, Ryan could hear his alarm from all the way in the living room. _7am._ He groaned, not wanting to work today and wondering if he should just call out sick. It's not like Horatio would think he was lying since he went home in the middle of the day yesterday. No, he couldn't be here all day; he knew he would go crazy in a couple of hours. Coughing, Ryan stretched before opening his eyes...his _eye._ Why was only one eye clear...he couldn't see out of his right eye...everything was all shadows. He sat up abruptly, heart pounding in his chest.

"Oh no..." he had waited to long. "No, this can't be happening." A cold sweat overcame his body as he threw off the covers and stumbled to the bathroom, using the wall as support. What he saw in the mirror made his blood run cold. The white of his eye was almost completely red and swollen while his pupil had become slightly cloudy. Ryan began hyperventilating as he rubbed his eyes, trying to see if that would make it better...but it didn't. It just hurt. Did he screw up? Is he going to be blind in one eye forever? That would mean he'd lose his job. Just the thought of that made him tear up. His body shivered violently, unable to think straight as he rushed back to the living room, frantically searching for his phone. He had to call Alexx...she would know what to do. He barely gave her time to answer before he started shouting into the phone.

"A-Alexx...you...you gotta come here...please! You gotta take me to the hospital!"

_"Ryan, calm down! What's the matter? What's wrong?"_

"I...I can't see!" He choked, pacing and running a hand through his hair. "I can't see out of my eye. Alexx, you gotta come help me, I'm freaking out...god this is all my fault!"

_"Ryan...baby boy, take it easy okay? I'm on my way. Just breathe, sit down and I'll be there in ten minutes."_

"O-Okay...please just hurry." _I'm really scared._

Alexx was relieved when Ryan hadn't called at all the other night, knowing that he was probably sleeping all day and night. She hoped that he would think twice about coming into work, though. She wished he would just go back to the hospital. Sighing, she logged into her computer and started typing up a report when her phone rang. It was Ryan. Not a good thing. She didn't even have time to answer before he started babbling at her, crying and breathing agitatedly.

_"A-Alexx...you...you gotta come here...please! You gotta take me to the hospital!"_

In the pit of her stomach, she knew it was bad news, but she asked him what was wrong anyways. "Ryan, calm down! What's the matter? What's wrong?"

_"I...I can't see. I can't see out of my eye. Alexx, you gotta come help me, I'm freaking out...god this is all my fault!"_

Shit. Alexx got up and grabbed her purse as she ran outside to her car. Ryan was in serious trouble. "Ryan...baby boy, take it easy okay? I'm on my way. Just breathe, sit down and I'll be there in ten minutes."

_"O-Okay...please just hurry." _The poor boy sounded scared out of his mind and she didn't blame him. She pressed on the gas, knowing she couldn't waste anymore time. Ten minutes later, she screeched to a stop in front of Ryan's place, seeing him on the front steps. Leaving the motor on, Alexx jumped out of the Hummer and rushed over to his side. It was heart breaking what she saw. His hair was bunched up in his fists, his body was trembling and even though he wasn't crying, she could see the tears welling up in his eyes...well only one; the infected eye was angry red, barely open and the brown of his pupil was cloudy. "Oh, Ryan," she whispered, cupping his face.

"Alexx...thank god."

"Okay, I know you're scared, but you gotta breathe. Take it easy, understand?"

Ryan nodded and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.

"Alright, now lets get you to the hospital, alright? Just keep breathing normally."

Ryan took shaky breaths as she led him to the car and helped him into the passenger seat before getting into the vehicle herself, speeding off towards the hospital. Twenty minutes later, Ryan was wheeled away and Alexx was forced to wait. She knew her phone was ringing, probably Horatio wondering where she was...but she couldn't answer now. Ryan didn't want anyone to know unless it was necessary...and serious. Fifteen minutes later...she finally knew that it would be.

"Dr. Medby," she said, walking up to the woman who came out of the double doors.

"Dr. Woods. You brought Mr. Wolfe in?"

"Yes, how is he?"

"Not good...the keratitis in his eye has gotten worse. I'm afraid he's gonna have to have surgery."

"A cornea transplant, I presume? How soon?"

"Tonight, we can't risk waiting another day. We have him on some strong antibiotics and administered a couple eye drops for irritation, but we both know those won't help in the long haul."

"Of course. Can I see him?"

"Sure; he's right down the hall in pre-op."

Alexx smiled and went into the room. She sighed sadly when she saw her baby boy. He looked exhausted yet panicked. A patch was over his eye for the time-being to keep it protected. The woman walked over to his good side and sat down in the chair provided.

"Hey Ryan...how are you doing?"

His left eye flicked over to her...a pained brown eye. "I'm okay."

"Ryan-"

"Okay...I'm really scared."

"You'll be fine," she said, squeezing his hand. "Nothing bad will happen."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Ryan nodded and inhaled before they sat in silence for a while.

"You know I'm gonna have to call Horatio. It's gotten serious now."

"Yeah...I know."

"I'll just call to let him know you won't be in for awhile, but I promise I won't say why if you don't want me to."

"Yeah...I'd prefer it stay between us...for now at least."

Alexx was about to ask why when her phone buzzed again and she looked at the caller I.D. "Speak of the devil."

Ryan smirked.

"You gonna be alright for a moment?"

"Yeah."

Alexx smiled before she got up and left the room, walking away from earshot of the young CSI.

"Horatio, I'm sorry I haven't answered your calls."

_"Are you okay?"_

"I'm fine..." she exhaled heavily. "Ryan called; I had to bring him to the hospital."

She heard Horatio sigh on the other end and she knew he knew why. She promised Ryan she wouldn't say anything, but she couldn't promise him people would find out on their own.

_"The infection?"_

"Yes."

_"How bad?"_

"Bad enough for surgery."

Horatio sighed again. _"When?"_

"Eight tonight."

_"Okay. I'll be there then. Just stay with him."_

"You know I will. Oh, and don't say anything to the team. Ryan doesn't want them to know right now."

_"Alright."_ Horatio pinched the bridge of his nose after he put his cell away. He didn't know why Ryan didn't tell him anything...didn't tell him how bad it was getting. He just prayed the kid would come out of this unscathed. But at the moment, they had a murder to solve. It wasn't long until the team started wondering where Ryan was and like he agreed, he wouldn't say anything. He just said the man was sick and that he probably will be for a few days. However, his team was smart and they could obviously tell he wasn't telling them everything. Thankfully, they had to be focused on the case right now. Ryan, unfortunately, would have to wait.

**7:45pm**

Ryan was far from being relaxed; in fact he was freaking out..._silently_ anyways. He didn't want the nurses to sedate him. His surgery was in fifteen minutes; the doctor had already come in to explain the procedure and even though he seemed calm on the outside, he was going crazy on the inside. Alexx had said something about getting something to eat so now he was completely alone...him and his thoughts. He swallowed thickly and looked around the room, hyperventilating. He couldn't stop thinking about the things that could go wrong. What if something happened in the surgery and it ruined his eye completely? What if it didn't end up working? What if...he could feel tears welling up in his eyes and he shivered. Where was Alexx...he couldn't do this...he had to tell her he couldn't do-

"Mr. Wolfe."

Ryan gasped as he was brought out of his thoughts by a familiar voice. He looked up and saw Horatio standing by his bed, hands on his hips and a sad look on his face.

"H...w-what are you doing here? I mean how did you know I was here?" He sat up straight.

"Alexx."

"I thought I told her-"

"I figured it out myself. Mr. Wolfe, why didn't you tell myself or anyone on the team your eye had gotten worse?"

Ryan shrugged. "I guess I didn't think you would care. I mean, it's not that big of a deal, right?" He laughed nervously.

"Ryan, surgery is _always _a big deal. And of course we would care; we're all family."

_Did Horatio just call him Ryan...that was rare._ He sighed and pursed his lips before nodding. He looked at the door, wondering when the nurse would come bring him to his doom.

Horatio noticed Ryan's chest heaving and his fingers picking at the sheets. "Mr. Wolfe, are you alright?"

Ryan flinched and looked back to the red-head. "Not really," he scoffed. "I'm...I'm scared."

"Ryan-"

"I mean, what if something goes wrong and they can't fix it, or it doesn't work. H, what if I lose my eye? I can't lose my job; it's the best one I've ever had."

"Ryan, I promise you nothing bad will happen; you have my word. Everything's gonna be fine. You will not lose your eye and you _definitely_ will not lose your job."

Ryan stared at the older man for a moment before nodding with a weak smile, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. Horatio grinned back, squeezing his arm comfortingly. All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door and they glanced up to see a nurse come into the room.

"Alright Mr. Wolfe, we're ready for you."

Ryan began freaking out again. He couldn't do this despite what Horatio said; he knew something was gonna go wrong. He could just feel it.

"Ryan, take it easy," Horatio said. "Trust me, you are going to be okay. You're going get this surgery and then you're going to recover and then you're going to come back to work. Just deep breaths and think about being able to see better in a month."

The CSI closed his eyes and nodded, feeling Horatio squeeze his arm again.

"Mr. Wolfe, you have my word you will be nothing but okay."

"Okay."

The nurse came in and administered a sedative to relax Ryan. He knew he would be awake during the procedure, but his eye would be completely numbed and the drugs they were gonna give him was _supposed_ to ease his anxiety. He began to grow tired, his body getting heavy as well as his eyelids.

"H?" He slurred.

"Yes, Ryan," Horatio said as he stepped back to let the other nurse's unlock the kid's bed.

"Can you...can you not tell the others?"

Why was Ryan trying to hide this? "I won't tell the others, Mr. Wolfe."

"Thanks." With that, he was wheeled down the hall and out of sight. Horatio bit his lip; he couldn't help but feel a bit worried. He had spoke to the doctor beforehand and she told him about the surgery risks as well as the complications that could emerge...like cornea rejection, swelling, glaucoma, and the big one: infection. She had said that rejection occurs in about twenty percent of cornea transplants. He just hoped Ryan would be in the eighty percent. Horatio sighed and placed his hands on his hips. Ryan had to be okay.

In the operation room, Ryan had been prepped and his eye had been numbed. It was held open with some type of metal prongs and when he saw the tweezer size like pliers, he tried to keep his breathing under control. He had to watch his own goddamn surgery; he wished he was put to sleep, because this was freaking him the fuck out.

"Mr. Wolfe, you need to breathe normally," Dr. Medby said calmly. "I promise you won't even feel a thing."

He knew she was telling the truth but he just couldn't stay calm.

"Baby boy, do what the doctor tells you."

Ryan frow- well, he would if he could. "Alexx? That you?" He felt someone take his hand and he glanced to his right to see the woman next to him. Even though a surgical mask covered nearly her entire face, but he recognized her bright smiling eyes.

"They let me watch; now just relax. If you get agitated again, just squeeze my hand."

"Okay...thank you, Alexx."

"Don't worry about it."

Ryan took a deep breath. _Here goes nothing._

~+CSIM+~

Horatio turned around when he heard hurried footsteps and saw Eric, Calleigh, and Natalia came rushing up to him. They looked worried and confused. He knew he couldn't keep things from them. They were the best CSI team there was.

"H, what's going on?" Eric asked. "Why are you here? Is it Mari?"

Horatio looked at all of them with pursed lips and hands on his waist. He had to tell them. "It's not Marisol, it's Ryan."

"What?" Calleigh questioned. "What are you talking about?"

"His eye had gotten infected; it developed keratitis and he waited to the point where he needed surgery."

"Idiot," Eric muttered.

"So...he's in surgery now?" Natalia breathed.

"Indeed."

"For how long?" Eric sighed.

Horatio looked at his watch. "It's already been twenty minutes, so probably another thirty."

"Why didn't he tell us?" Calleigh couldn't believe Ryan didn't say anything to anyone...or at least her. He had continuously denied that something was wrong and that was barely a week ago. How could it had gotten so bad so fast?

"He didn't think we would care."

"What? He's crazy," Eric shook his head.

"How did you know I would be here?"

Calleigh smirked. "Tracked yours and Alexx's phone when neither of you returned."

Horatio chuckled but sobered up quickly.

"I hope he'll be okay," Natalia bit her lip.

"He will, Natalia," Horatio said. "He doesn't have permission not to be."

The team paced for the next half hour, glancing eagerly at their watches and the clocks...half an hour quickly turned into an hour and they became worried. What if something had gone wrong. Eric was getting worked up and was about to go to the nurse's desk when a doctor finally came through the doors.

"Lieutenant," Dr. Medby said walking over and the team came together.

"Doctor, how is Mr. Wolfe?"

She smiled. "The surgery was successful, he's is being brought to post-op recovery as we speak."

The entire team let out a huge breath of relief, big smiles on their faces.

"And his eye?" Horatio added.

"It'll be a long road to it being back to normal. He's currently sleeping and until he wakes up, we won't know how his sight is, even then it will probably be a little blurry. When he wakes up, he'll be able to go home, but he has to take it easy. No. Working. For at least three weeks; it might've been less had he taken care of this earlier. He also needs to wear an eye patch, as well, for the next twenty-four hours before he can take it off. Tomorrow he'll have to come in for a follow up exam. I'll prescribe him some medications and eyedrops he will have to use for at least four to six weeks. Mr. Wolfe is extremely lucky and it had been dangerous, in his condition, to continue working after I told him not to. It could've been close."

Eric washed a hand down his face. "Can we see him?"

"Of course; like I said, he's resting, but I don't see why you can't sit with him."

"Thank you, doctor," Horatio nodded.

"No problem at all, I'll go get the discharge and prescription papers. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to page me."

The team watched as the doctor left before heading down to the recovery room. Ryan was, indeed, sleeping, but he looked okay. A large bandage was taped over his right eye and his face was pale, but had a red tint to his cheeks.

"He's gonna to be okay," Eric sighed..

"Yes, he's going to be okay," Horatio smiled.

~+CSIM+~

**Two Hours Later**

His body felt heavy and his head seemed like it was filled with cotton balls. There was a dull ache behind his right eye and it all came back to him. The nail, the migraines, the keratitis...the surgery. He started to regain consciousness, but he was scared to open his eyes. What if it didn't work? What if he was blind forever? He groaned weakly and suddenly felt a warm hand on his forehead.

"A-Alexx," he whispered hoarsely, forehead scrunching up.

"Yes, baby boy, I'm here. Open your eyes; it's okay."

Ryan was hesitant but he decided it was now or never. And as much as he preferred never, he slowly blinked open his eyes...and he could see! Granted, his right eye was still blurry, but there were no longer dark shadows.

"Did it work?" He asked.

"Yes Mr. Wolfe," Horatio, who was on his other side, spoke. "I gave you my word you would be okay."

Ryan grinned.

"But next time you hide something like this from me, I'll have Eric kick your ass."

The young CSI's eyes widened and then he saw the team flood into the room. He glanced at Horatio with a 'I thought I said not to tell them' look.

The red-head shrugged. "They're CSI's, Ryan, you can't expect them not to find out eventually."

"We tracked your phones," Eric chuckled and Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Of course you did."

"Seriously, though, Ryan," Calleigh said, sitting next to him on the bed. "You better tell us if something like this happens."

"Which hopefully will be never," Alexx added.

"Right, we're family and we care about you."

"Plus you're basically the baby out of all of us," Eric smirked and everyone laughed.

Ryan just shook his head before taking a deep breath. Eric, Calleigh, and Horatio were right; they _were_ a family. A dysfunctional one, but still one nonetheless and he was slowly but surely becoming part of it. "Okay...it won't happen again...and thanks...for being here for me."

Calleigh smiled, resting her hand over his.

"You know what the best part of this is?" Eric said with a suspicious grin.

"What?" Ryan asked slowly, eyebrow quirked.

"You get to wear an eye patch...which mean I guess I'll have to come up with some new nicknames for you."

Ryan collapsed back onto the pillows with a groan. Just great.

**Fin**


End file.
